Everywhere it seems that men are under assault of bad news from all sides. A seemingly unending stream of men behaving badly causes women to shake their heads in disbelief. P Diddy is just the latest example as revelations of his out of control conduct come to the surface daily.
Women also say that they can’t find a man to hold and maintain a relationship with them. Too often, guys are “all in”, and very engaging, until they get the woman in bed, and then poof, they ghost on her afterward, and move on to their next conquest. The worst of it is, the women say that most of the men aren’t even remotely good in bed for their one stop performance.
So, what’s going on here? What’s behind all this bad behavior? Here are some thoughts for consideration.
For time immemorial the patriarchy suppressed women. Beginning in the 1960’s the Women’s Liberation movement finally began the long overdue process of pushing back on the patriarchy. Women finally began making headway and today, while all is far from perfect, women are beginning to assume a status slightly more equal in the workplace in many areas.
As often happens when change occurs, in some areas it can go too far, and some in the women’s movement preached that there were no differences between the sexes. Some maligned masculinity in any form. Accordingly, generations of men now have grown up in a society that emasculated them. They feel lost, rudderless. With no model of healthy masculinity to emulate, they behave badly.
In truth however, most women LOVE a masculine man and desperately want to be with one. There is a masculinity that is healthy as well as the unhealthy masculinity that we hear so much about. Most women have to be in their masculine essence all day long in the workplace, so at the end of the day they would love to be with a man who will take care of them, and allow them to relax into their feminine essence. She likely does not want to choose where they go to dinner. The woman is tired of making decisions. She wants to be cherished. Desired. Ravished. A man in his healthy masculinity allows her to relax into her femininity, and enjoy the polarity between them. Plus, she doesn’t have to kill the occasional spider that shows up!
Society also preaches that women are less sexual than men. I want to challenge that assumption. I believe that women are every bit as sexual as men, and when cared for, valued, and made to feel safe, they often generate a sexual fire that most men cannot handle. Men are not only giving themselves a bad reputation with their frenzy to bed another woman but I believe that men are missing an experience of a lifetime in their frenzy to carve the next notch on their bedpost.
So men, slow down. Don’t worry about your number. In the end, we all live in a small town. There’s at most only six degrees of separation between anyone in the planet, and far less where you live. Don’t become known as a “hit and run” lover. If you are fortunate enough to be with a woman, stop and smell the roses. You may just have your mind blown, and perhaps other things too!
Originally published on Medium.com